This is my story. On the surface it's intended to be a chronicle of my journey toward becoming a self-published writer. Underneath its intention is to grow as a person. I want to face my fear, stare it down, and overcome. My fear is of public scorn and humiliation. I suppose everyone feels that way really.
I'm an introvert so this is hard for me. The Myers-Briggs personality assessment classifies me as an INFP (introversion, intuition, feeling, perception). In short I'm a dreamer.
On the surface I'm a successful application development manager. I've worked in IT for 17 years and have done well for myself.
I've been married to the same wonderful woman for 16 years and we've produced 4 great kids. We've even got a set of twins out of the deal!
I've been an avid reader my entire life. I've read hundreds of novels and quite a bit of non-fiction as well, but I've never written. Above all I enjoy a good book, but I particularly like a good fantasy book.
The fantasy genre seems to move me more than the others. Battles of good versus evil are more defined and I'm a sucker for a good quest.
So here I am. I've crossed or am near life's ultimate halfway point and I want something more. I'm a dreamer and a goal setter. I want to stretch myself and grow. I want to write a novel and more than likely many novels. Maybe its a second phase of my life, but I feel called to action.
I'm no stranger to goal setting and dreaming.
In 2009 I clocked in at about 270 on the scale and was heading even further north. My wife 'got real' with me and I decided that being overweight was causing me a lot of pain and unhappiness, so I did something about it. I lost 70 pounds by the end of 2010 and I've kept it off ever since.
Part of reaching that goal involved a lot of exercise. I'll admit this was very hard initially, but I ended up getting hooked. Running was (and still is) like crack for me. I ran my first half-marathon in 2010, my second in 2011 and figured, what the hell, I can run a whole marathon.
I went from a man that literally couldn't run for 20 seconds halfway down the block without wheezing and coughing to a marathon finisher in April of 2012. I finished that marathon in 3:57. The feeling of exhilaration when I crossed that line is part of the reason I'm here. I loved finishing that marathon so much that I ran another one this year. I just finished my 2nd marathon in April a whopping 3 seconds faster than 2012.
When I run I figure out a lot of stuff. Sometimes I figure out something big and it triggers the light-bulb over the head moment. I figured out I wanted to write while listening to an audio-book during a run. When I get my mind set on something, I have a tendency to not let it go .
That brings me to today, or the last two months really. I've decided to write a novel for many reasons. I'll list them in order of importance.
1) I want to find out more about what makes me tick. So far I've found that writing does just that.
2) I want to exert my creative side. I spent the first half of my life working with computers and application development. There is a certain creativity with that profession, but not quite the level of emotional creativity I'm looking for.
3) I want to write a great book because I like to read great books. I know what I like in a fantasy novel and I want to try if for myself.
4) I'd like to self-publish because it looks like its a lot of fun. The product you are selling is created by you. If you can't believe in something you've built with your own mind, what can you believe in? If I find success, that would be great. If not, then that's okay too.
I'll try to stay active here and write about the experience I'm having.
As it stands, I'm 12,000 words into my first draft. Its been hard to say the least. I read what I write and I think it reads like crap. As a newbie to all this, I'm struggling to convey what I'm seeing in my head with words on the page. I'm fighting the urge to go back and edit. I've succumbed only once, briefly. I will plow forward and come back later.
I'm writing daily and have no plans to stop. I get up at 5:00 AM, put on the coffee and work until 7:00 Am. That's when the house starts buzzing.
Every day I battle a voice inside my head that says I can't do this and what I'm writing is awful. My inner voice says people will mock what I'm doing and laugh at my thoughts when I open them to the world.
That's fear talking. That's my conscience mind trying to pull me back into the herd. Protecting me from pain. And, really, so what if they do. We all get one shot at life so why not lay all your cards on the table.
I'm hoping that writing is like training for the marathon, you get better the longer you keep at it.
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