Sunday, October 13, 2013

Shard Knight - Echoes Across Time - Book 1

I've been hard at work editing my debut novel Shard Knight.  I've decided to post chapter one here. Please take a look. If you take the time to read it, I'd love to hear some feedback.

Blurb:

At just fifteen seasons, Prince Ronan Latimer emerges from the Tournament of Knights as its youngest champion in 500 years. A champion who’s earned the right to absorb ancient Meranthian battle magic. Battle magic that places him among the ranks of an elite group of men and women dedicated to preserving Meranthian culture and upholding its law.
But what should be a time of celebration ends in horror as Ronan’s mother, Queen Arianne, falls victim to a murder plot designed to put a new king in power.
Meranthia’s beloved archbishop, Merric Pride, commands the throne in the wake of the queen’s assassination and vows to bring her killer to justice. Instead, the mad cleric leads the hunt for the one boy who could ruin his plans.
With his life turned inside out, Ronan’s thirst for revenge threatens to destroy the life of his only friend and leave the kingdom in shambles.
Chapter 1
Chapter 1
The heavy iron portcullis separating Ronan from tournament victory rattled upward revealing the sun drenched sands of the arena floor. Raucous cheers erupted from the spectators straining to catch the first glimpse of the competitors. In the antechamber’s cramped confines, a hundred thousand rumbling voices shook free bits of dirt and debris from the low hanging ceiling. Dusty particles drifted through the stale humid air and settled into the dark hair of the young prince.
As the first wave of cheering faded, Ronan’s stomach rolled and beads of sweat coated his hands loosening the grip on his blade and shield. Recalling Master Tyrell’s lessons he closed his eyes and pulled a deep breath in through his nose.
The crowd noise began again. The rumbling voices started low and intensified, rolling over the coliseum like a horde of locusts feasting on a summer harvest. Ronan’s opponent, Bryson Slater, strode into the center of the arena waving a clenched fist skyward amid chants of “Bryson”. He held a polished steel helmet beneath his arm allowing his pale skin and spiked blond hair to glow like a god under the cloudless afternoon sky.
Ronan trapped air in his lungs until it hurt. As he exhaled, muscle tension drained from his back and shoulders. He kept his chin tucked into his chest, and drew the sign of the circle around his heart. “Elan, please see me safe this day.” He lifted the helmet to his head and paused midway. “If You give my blade an extra nudge, I promise to keep it secret.” He allowed the whispered prayer to hang in the room’s stagnant air giving Elan a moment to hear.
When he opened his eyes he saw particles of loose soil drifting through rays of sunlight penetrating the shadowy darkness of the antechamber. He twisted the crowd’s roar in his mind until it carried the intensity of a lazy bumblebee drifting on a summer afternoon breeze. With focused attention, he concentrated on the passage of air through his nose and out his parted lips.
Ronan pushed aside his fears, expectations, and the promise of a home amid the knights he so revered. He focused the entirety of his conscious mind on this singular moment to leave his mark. His hand flexed around the pommel of his blade and he gave his shield strap one last pull tightening it to his arm. At last, he opened his mind and the world crashed back in flying forward at full speed.
He lowered the visor on his helmet, pounded his sword against his shield, and charged out of the antechamber.
Freehold had slow cooked beneath a full month of cloudless summer skies, and the temperatures on the arena floor hit Ronan like a physical blow. His breaths came short and hard, and it took focused concentration to steady himself as he sprinted across the shifting sand.
As he’d done throughout the tournament, he never hesitated. He wanted his rivals to panic. A frightened opponent became easy prey for an aggressor and he used the tactic to rattle his foes.
At eighteen seasons, Bryson Slater had lived three years longer than Ronan, and he’d used that time transforming himself into a muscled giant of a young man. Eyebrows raised when he’d delayed his graduation a year waiting for a shard to become available. His gamble paid off and he’d run through his opponents in record time. Freehold’s oddsmakers made him a heavy favorite against Ronan.
A smug smile flickered over Bryson’s face as he lowered his visor and tightened the chain mail gloves around his wrists. Unlike Ronan’s other competitors, Bryson displayed no sign of fear or panic. He readied his sword and shield and waited for Ronan to close the distance.
Ronan pulled up a few yards short. His first strike strategy ended before it began. Bryson had superior size, strength, and experience, and he needed a new plan.
Knights representing the three schools of Elan’s magic stood along the interior edges of the arena acting as tournament judges. Through toil, effort, and sheer determination, each had claimed tournament victory. Only the strongest absorbed Elan’s shard magic and gained the title of knight. They wanted a fair hard fought contest and for both competitors to walk out alive.
Ronan circled Bryson keeping his shield up and his sword poised and ready. He took a defensive stance allowing the bigger man first strike.
Bryson raised his shield, twisted to his side, and flicked his wrist striking downward vertically along the inside of Ronan’s shield. He intended to wrap his blade around the backside of Ronan’s ankle and severe his exposed tendon. Tyrell taught this tactic, called the grass cutter, to third year students at the citadel. Although difficult to land, a successful strike would secure tournament victory and cripple Ronan for months. Most students didn’t try the move during a sparring session let alone the championship match of a shard tournament.
Ronan stepped right and forward avoiding the cut and launching into a thrust targeting Bryson’s exposed shoulder.
Bryson moved to parry the thrust as Ronan turned his blade horizontally and used his offhand to land a scoring blow on the larger boy’s helmet.
The crowd roared as Bryson staggered backward caught off guard by the change of speed and direction of Ronan’s attack.
A light tingle rippled through Ronan’s chest and his confidence soared. With a surge of adrenaline, he thrust at the opening provided by Bryson’s off-kilter stance.
The citadel’s top student hadn’t earned the title by chance. Bryson spun avoiding the thrust, and Ronan slipped ahead whiffing on empty air leaving his backside exposed. As Bryson spun, he carried his momentum though his arm and into his blade increasing its speed fourfold. The attack caught Ronan square in the center of his back sending him sailing face first toward the loose sand of the arena floor.
Ronan’s armor protected him from the blade’s sharp edge, but the blunt force of impact ignited a surge of pain across his lower back. When he struck the sand, the weight of the fall pushed his breast plate into his chest pushing the wind from his lungs. Hot sand entered his visor sticking to his perspiration soaked face and caking his tongue.
The crowd roared its approval as Ronan sprawled across the arena floor with his sword and shield splayed at awkward angles.
Bryson walked around Ronan raising his blade skyward adding fuel to the frenzied roar of the crowd caught in a wave of blood lust.
The palm of a shield knight nearest Ronan glowed blue with readied shield magic as she channeled spirit in preparation for the end of the match. Next to the knight, blue light pulsed from the extended hands of two other shield knights.
Ronan’s heart raced as panic took hold sending a shot of adrenaline coursing through his body. “No.” His voice came out strained and harsh echoing inside his helmet. The shield knights couldn’t hear him. If Ronan’s life came under threat, they’d stop the match despite his protest. If he saw a spirit shield surround him the match ended. Bryson’s plate mail boots clanged just inches from his face, and Ronan managed to roll to his side.
The queen stood motionless within the royal box as lines of concern dulled the edge of her flawless complexion. With knuckles gripping the railing, her gaze locked on her wounded son sprawled on the arena floor.
Sir Alcott Agers, Ronan’s lifelong teacher, sat next to her with his hands cupped around his mouth screaming words lost in the cacophony of a hundred thousand cheering fans. He’d won a healing shard at a tournament decades ago but had long ago traded in his hammer for more scholarly pursuits.
Pain circled Ronan’s rib cage as he twisted to his side. It flashed outward changing to a dull ache as his roll ended beneath Bryson’s dark shadow. Rivulets of sweat streaked the sand and dirt on his face stinging his eyes and blurring his vision. His breathing came in shallow ragged pulls and he begged for air to fill his depleted lungs.
Bryson paused and his gaze shifted to the man sitting to the queen’s left, Merric Pride.
Unlike the thousands of spectators around him, Archbishop Merric Pride, Ronan’s spiritual leader and a powerful shield knight in his own right, remained seated. A few months after Ronan’s birth, Pride had christened him in Elan’s First Church and had guided him through the more difficult patches of his youth. He’d served on the queen’s private council with Sir Alcott and Patron Tyrell during Queen Arianne’s reign. Archbishop Pride sat stone-faced and rigid with his gaze locked on Ronan’s competitor as if in expectation.
For the span of two seconds Bryson stood motionless holding the gaze of the archbishop. Then, with a slow subtle motion, Pride shook his head three times with his expression remaining distant and aloof. Bryson tilted his helmet forward in acknowledgment and the moment passed. An instant later the archbishop’s expression melted into one of visible concern and he stood and clapped his hands. He rested a reassuring hand on the queen’s shoulder and leaned into her speaking a few words. But Arianne’s eyes never wavered from her son and she’d missed the exchange between Bryson and the archbishop.
Ronan’s chest tightened and his stomach sank. He tried to make sense of the exchange he’d just seen. Caught in this moment of pain and anxiety, could he trust his senses? A logical explanation must exist.
Bryson tightened the grip on his sword and pounded it against his shield. Using his sword, he mocked the prince with an obscene gesture that elicited fresh roars of laughter and approval from the coliseum audience.
Ronan’s mind raced sorting through the events as they unfolded. Why didn’t Bryson just end it? He’d earn admission to the Order and the power granted from the precious shard magic. With a single swing of his sword he could finish off Ronan and claim victory.
As if reading his mind, Bryson raised his sword arm with slow methodical deliberation. As the blade reached its peak a hundred thousand people held their breath awaiting the finishing blow. Bryson released a primal scream and dropped his blade.
Ronan rolled and Bryson’s blade sank into the loose sand of the arena floor an inch from his breastplate.
Without a moment’s hesitation, Ronan gripped Bryson’s ankle and pulled with desperate strength.
The larger boy toppled landing with a thud face first in the sand next to Ronan.
Ronan pushed himself to his feet, tightened the grip on his sword and knelt before Bryson. He centered his attack on the exposed flesh of Bryson’s lower back and sent his blade downward. The moment before impact, shimmering blue light appeared an inch above Bryson’s body. Ronan’s blade slammed into the shield sending a ripple of bright blue light across the magical barrier. Sparks flew from the blade’s edge, and the force of impact sent a tingle through his hand that continued up his arm into his shoulder. Smoke curled from the molten sword and Ronan tossed it aside.
The coliseum erupted with cheers as Ronan stood and staggered backward. He wanted to touch the shield surrounding Bryson just to confirm he’d won, but he didn’t dare.
With unhuman speed, three battle knights sped across the arena sand and surrounded the boys. The lead knight grabbed Ronan’s arm and raised it signaling him the victor.
Ronan removed his gloves and helmet and mopped up the sand and dirt smeared on his sweat covered face. Bouquets of flowers rained onto the arena floor as spectators showered him with appreciation for his hard earned victory.
The lead knight raised the visor of his golden helmet. Patron Tyrell, commander of the Order of the Shattered Heart and Ronan’s mentor, wore an uneasy expression on his face. “Congratulations Ronan.”
***
Ronan slipped on his leather boots, stood, and slammed shut the changing locker door. He gathered his soiled underclothing and hurled the stinking pile into a basket in the corner of the locker room.
The door to the citadels changing room opened and Patron Tyrell slipped in shutting the door behind him. The world’s foremost battle knight leaned against the closed door and crossed his arms.
“So you think Bryson let me win?” Without looking up, Ronan fastened the buttons at his wrist.
Tyrell paused a long moment before responding. “Yes. I think he lost on purpose.”
Ronan leaned back and shook his head meeting his master’s gaze for the first time. “Don’t hold back. I’ve got a thick skin.”
“I’ve never lied to you Ronan. Would you prefer I start now?”
He waved off Tyrell’s explanation. “It’s okay. I agree with you. I haven’t earned the shard. Bryson deserves it.”
Tyrell eased onto the wooden bench next to Ronan, leaned forward, and sighed. “The shard doesn’t belong to Bryson. A knight conducts his life with honor and ethics. If I ever found proof he threw the match, by Elan’s law, I’d strip the shard from him by force if necessary.” He shook his head. “No, if he threw the match, he has no place in the Order.
Ronan sat up and leaned forward staring at the floor between his boots. “Did you see the archbishop shake his head toward Bryson?” Ronan said.
“Yes. That’s what bothers me most,” Tyrell said.
“Do you know what I think?” He didn’t bother waiting for a response. “I think someone rigged this whole tournament.” Ronan kicked a towel near his feet. “I feel like a fool. Here I thought I’d earned each victory.”
The door to the changing room burst open and Sir Alcott walked in with a smile stretched wide across his bearded face. “You’ve done it my boy. Congratulations!” Sir Alcott froze when he saw the dark expression on Ronan’s face “You do realize you’ve won right? What’s with the long faces?”
Ronan kept his head lowered. He didn’t want to celebrate a fraudulent victory.
Sir Alcott furrowed his brows and looked to Tyrell for an explanation. “Why is he sulking Patron?”
“Ronan has doubts about his victory. He believes Bryson may have thrown the match.”
“That’s ridiculous. A hundred thousand cheering citizens watched you win today,” Sir Alcott said.
“Bryson wanted to win. I could feel it,” Ronan said. “Something stopped him from finishing me. He played games with the crowd and wasted time taunting and posturing. He gave me a chance to recover.”
“That’s not what I saw. Bryson was overconfident. Pride and arrogance were his weaknesses. He wanted to humiliate you rather than finish it and he paid the price.”
“I hope you’re right,” Ronan said.
“Trust me. I’m right. You earned every victory. Don’t let self-doubt ruin what should be the happiest moment of your life. When I won my shard, my opponent tripped over his feet and I scored an easy win. You know what I did?” Sir Alcott paused waiting for an answer.
“What did you do Sir Alcott?” Ronan said.
“I celebrated. That’s what I did. Stop worrying and enjoy the day.”
“I appreciate you trying to cheer me up.” Ronan ran a hand through his hair. “But, I still have doubts.”
Sir Alcott leveled his gaze at Tyrell. “Patron, tell the boy I’m right.”
“There’s more to it I’m afraid,” Tyrell said.
A ripple of confusion spread across Sir Alcott’s face. “What aren’t you telling me?”
A light knocking came at the open door. Archbishop Merric Pride hovered at the threshold adorned in the white robes of his station and leaning on a solid silver cane. Behind him a pair of shard knights stood flanking his left and right.
Ronan, Sir Alcott, and Tyrell looked up at the newcomer.
“May I come in?” Pride said.
“Of course you may Your Grace.” Ronan stood and bowed.
“Please Ronan. Sit. There’s no need for such formality. I just came by to offer my congratulations. You know I don’t approve of the fighting, but I’m glad it was you who came out victorious.”
“Please have a seat Your Grace.” Ronan offered his arm to the archbishop.
“Thank you Ronan. Your mother did a fine job raising you.” Pride took Ronan’s arm and eased into a high backed leather chair in the corner of the small changing room.
Ronan found his seat on the bench next to Tyrell.
“You’ll have to excuse an old man from eavesdropping, but I couldn’t help but overhear your conversation as I came down the hallway. I’d like to understand Master Tyrell’s concerns.”
A flush of heat spread across Ronan’s cheeks. “Your Grace, it was nothing.” Ronan answered before Tyrell sparing his master the embarrassment.
Pride raised a hand. “Forget my station. Perhaps I can offer some counsel.”
Ronan searched Tyrell’s eyes before answering.
“Go ahead. Tell him the truth,” Tyrell said.
“Your Grace, this is awkward I’m afraid.”
Pride raised an eyebrow. “Please explain.”
“During the match, I saw you make eye contact with Bryson. You and he stared at each other for several seconds before you shook your head,” Ronan said. “After your exchange, Bryson gave up. He held his last strike over his head so long, my dead grandmother could have avoided it.” Ronan’s palms began to sweat as he realized how crass the statement came out. “I’m sorry for that last bit Your Grace.”
“There’s no need to apologize. Are you finished?” Pride said.
“Yes sir. That’s what I saw.”
“You’re right.”
Ronan’s head jerked up and his mouth fell open. “I’m sorry Your Grace?”
“I did make eye contact with young Master Bryson, and I did shake my head. However, I didn’t mastermind some grand plot to gain you one of Elan’s precious shards.”
“I’m sorry. It’s just-”
“I shook my head at the boy for two reasons. First, I wanted him to stop cajoling the crowd as well as taunting you. I found that rather distasteful. The second reason is that I didn’t want to see him hurt you. I can assure you, your victory came without my influence.”
Ronan slouched and dropped his chin to his chest as scarlet bloomed on his face. “Of course Your Grace. I don’t know why I doubted you, but I needed to be sure. I want the Order to accept me without any doubts. I don’t want any special treatment.”
“I understand. Perhaps Bryson is a superior warrior. However, as I heard Sir Alcott mention, his pride proved a far greater weakness that his ability with the blade. You earned the shard by exposing your opponents weakness. just as Master Tyrell taught you. I think you’ll make a fine shard knight.”
Tension drained from Ronan’s muscles and a smile spread across his face. “Thank you Your Grace. I needed to hear that.”
Pride pushed himself to his feet with his cane. “Treasure the gift you’ve earned today. Two millennia ago, Elan’s Orb shattered into one hundred and seventy-six separate pieces by those who would do Meranthia harm.” He reached over and squeezed Ronan’s hand. “Use Elan’s magic to protect Meranthia from those who would do her harm.” He shifted his weight to his cane. “Which shard did you win?”
“It’s the seventh enhancement shard Your Grace,” Ronan said.
“So you’ll take the mantle of battle knight.” A warm smile spread across his face. “I wish your father would’ve lived to watch you take the shard. He’d be proud of you today.”
“I’d love nothing more Your Grace,” Ronan said.
“But, you’ll have a fine master to further your training. Commander Tyrell is the greatest battle knight I’ve ever known. It’s too bad you didn’t earn a protection shard. I could’ve trained you in the art of shield magic.”
Sir Alcott shifted his stance. “I’ll stand by healing magic Ronan. A warrior that mends wounds while slinging a hammer makes a formidable opponent. It’s a blessed gift.”
Pride’s eyes took on a faraway look. “Yes Sir Alcott, Elan has blessed us all with his gifts. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to discuss details of your induction ceremony with the queen. Congratulations Ronan.”
Ronan bowed. “Thank you Your Grace. You’ve made me feel much better.”
Pride took Ronan’s hand and squeezed with a firmness surprising in the old cleric. “Good. That’s good. I’ll see you later this evening then.” He shuffled from the room with shard knights trailing him.
“I guess I overreacted,” Ronan said.
“I told you. Let’s start celebrating. I’m going to check with Master McClaren on that shipment of ale for this evening’s feast,” Sir Alcott said.
“Master Tyrell are you coming?” Ronan said.
Tyrell nodded and flashed a tight smile across his face. “Yes. Let’s go.”
***
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Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Shard Knight - First Draft Complete!



After 119,440 words, I've finished the the first draft of Shard Knight: Echoes Across Time (Book 1 of 3) . This is the first draft of my first ever novel and I'm a little beside myself at the moment.

I started the planning process in April and began putting digital ink to digital paper in early May of this year. Four months later I've given virtual birth to a book that I've really enjoyed writing.

I've learned a great deal during the process and plan to include many of my own insights in a separate blog spot, but for now it's time to put Shard Knight aside and start planning out book two in the series.

I'd like to release Shard Knight in October, but that will largely depend on how long the editing process takes. I don't know how bad the damage is in the early chapters as I've re-read only enough to help me with earlier names, plot points, etc. I'm a rookie here so, we'll see I guess.

I do know that I'll be throwing out chapters 1 and 2 and replacing them with a slimmed down chapter 1. As I went through the writing process I discovered what I thought was the start of the book really wasn't. It starts somewhere else and the book will be much better for it.

I hereby vow to hack and slash without mercy about a month from now at which point I'll try to look at the manuscript with "fresh eyes".

I'll post sample chapters here when I feel comfortable releasing them for general feedback during the edits.

For now, I pop the virtual cork off my virtual champagne bottle and take a sip of sweet victory.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Review: The Emotion Thesaurus

I want to offer a short review of a great book I've used to help prompt me with emotional cues while writing my first novel.

The Emotion Thesaurus: A Writers Guide To Character Expression by Angela Ackerman and Becca Puglisi has been such a fantastic tool for me. It's helped me time and time again with prompts for all sorts of emotions as well as a reference guide for emotions themselves.

For example, I might find myself thinking "my character is feeling a sort of longing". I'll flip open their handy guide and voila, there it is.

For each emotional response they breakdown the definition, physical signals ("Feverish, over-bright eyes"), internal sensations ("racing heartbeat"), mental responses, ("a willingness to do anything"), cues of acute or long term response ("crying, sobbing, wailing"), may escalate to (listing of other emotions), cues of suppressed emotion and writers tips.

This has been instrumental for both writing tips as well as building correct emotional responses to a given situation and I highly recommend it for any writer.

5/5 stars



Monday, August 12, 2013

The blurb for Shard Knight

I'm 101,000 words into Shard Knight and closing in on my final 20,000 words. I've spent the last couple of days working on a blurb and I'd love to have some feedback on it. Would it compel you to read a sample?

I realize the cover is just as or more important than the blurb but I don't have it yet. I'd also like to hear some feedback regarding the title. I realize it's somewhat nonsensical, but it's central to the premise of the book.

The title:

Shard Knight
Echoes Across Time (Book 1 of 3)

Blurb:

At just fifteen seasons, Prince Ronan Latimer emerges from the Tournament of Knights as its youngest champion in 500 years. A champion who’s earned the right to absorb ancient Meranthian battle magic. Battle magic that places him among the ranks of an elite group of men and women dedicated to preserving Meranthian culture and upholding its law.

But what should be a time of celebration ends in horror as Ronan’s mother, Queen Arianne, falls victim to a murder plot designed to put a new king in power.

Meranthia’s beloved archbishop, Merric Pride, commands the throne in the wake of the queen’s assassination and vows to bring her killer to justice. Instead, the mad cleric leads the hunt for the one boy who could ruin all his plans.


With his life turned inside out, Ronan’s thirst for revenge threatens to destroy the life of his only friend and leave the kingdom in shambles. 

Friday, July 26, 2013

Shard Knight

I'm still plugging away even though I haven't updated in a while. My word count is right around 83,500. I believe I'll finish my first draft sometime the first week of August.

I've been on a fairly consistent 2,000 words per day, five day a week, schedule.

I've come up with a working title for my book. Its book one of a three part fantasy trilogy.

For now, I'm calling it:

Shard Knight

The subtitle:

Book One of the Echoes Across Time Trilogy

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Progress Report

My weekly word count for this Sunday is 42,715 up from 34,370 last week marking it the most productive week of writing to date.  That's 8,345 words.

I crossed the boundary of the first major conflict of my story and have moved on into the middle  part. I had originally  targeted 90,000 words but I'm looking at closer to 110,000 at this point. My goal is to have the first draft complete sometime in August.

I've added the 2nd and 3rd pov characters one of whom is the antagonist, and I have all the plot lines underway.

On a side note, I find I'm being pulled into my writing emotionally. As in I experience sadness, exhiliration, elation, etc. while I'm writing.  I don't know if that's good or bad but it feels right to me and I'm using it.

When I'm experiencing the emotions, it seems as if the words come flying out. That's when the writing is the easiest. Ultimately the quality of the writing will be up to the reader.

I feel like I've made real progress.  I look back at my first pages and see how far I've come in a short amount of time.

One of the more interesting blogs I've read this week is one of a series written by Dean Wesley Smith regarding re-writes and the creative voice vs. the critical voice. It's an older series but new to me. I enjoyed it so I'm passing it along.

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

I Write Like...

So I pasted a few different scenes from my current work in progress into the I Write Like... analyzer and it says I write like H.P. Lovecraft.

I can't speak for its accuracy but that's pretty cool! Anybody else want to share?





I write like
H. P. Lovecraft

I Write Like. Analyze your writing!




Sunday, June 16, 2013

Learning to write is like training for a marathon

When I first started running several years ago, going just a a few feet was a monumental effort. I had made a promise to myself. A promise to lose weight. Running would consist of the exercise portion of my plan.

Based on my previous life failures with running and my absolute hatred of it. I decided I would run, but if I felt any pain whatsoever I would walk. The pace at which I ran would be slow and plodding. My entire session would be thirty minutes long. I would run 5 minutes. Walk for ten and repeat this cycle a second time.

The first day was very tough. By the time 2 minutes passed, I was already staring at my watch willing the next 3 to be over. I found even the slowest plodding horribly difficult.  Then the 10 minutes of walking seemed to fly by.

But through sheer will and determination I persevered. I ran three days a week a week for the first 3 weeks. Each day I worked to lengthen the time I ran and decrease the time I walked. My progress came fast and by the end of the first month I was filling the entire thirty minute session with all running.

I eventually worked my way up to a marathon over the next couple of years. But as I run now, I notice that my progress is slower. My goals today involve shaving a few seconds off a pace or a personal record.

As I commit now to writing daily, or at least six days a week, I see many similarities. The first time or three I tried to write it was hard. The words came in fits and starts and the words were slow to pile up.

With writing, like running, I've made goals and I've kept them or at least put forth the very best effort I could to keep them. I decided to start with 250 words and pushed hard to meet that the first few times. When I wrote, I wanted my best effort. My fullest commitment of time and effort. I didn't want to just write random junk to fill a page. When I reached my goal, I wanted the work to have value.

After a week of doing that, I found it a lot easier. I moved to 500 words, 750, and then a thousand a day. Its getting easier but just like running it involves me setting a goal and maintaining discipline.

I raise four kids and I work a full time job. Finding the time to write is very tough which means I set my alarm for 4:45 AM Monday through Friday. I get up and I try. There are morning when it just doesn't happen. I'll end up writing 250 words by 7:00 AM as I struggle with a scene. This means I find time later in the evening to get as many words in as I can. I'm finding the 1000 easier and have been pushing for 1250.

I am so grateful for my time spent the last several years working towards both weight loss and running goals. It's set me up for what's in front of me now. Learning the skills necessary to commit myself has been crucial for me so far. Setting goals is the key.

I'm about a third of the way through my first draft. My current word count is 34,370. Looking back to last Sunday's post that means I've written 6,658 words this week.

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Use the Active Voice

The best source of training material I’ve found in my quest as an aspiring writer is Dwight Swain’s Techniques of the Selling Writer. The book was first published in 1965, but so much the lessons are timeless making it very much worth the time and effort to read. I’ve seen many of the lessons regurgitated in other books but not with the depth Swain provides.

I’m currently on my second read through of the book. I’m picking up even more nuggets this time around. I’ve spent a lot of time actually writing this past month, and, as a result, a lot of things are popping for me now. I’d thought I’d take some time today to share one of the many techniques that stood out for me and is helping strengthen my craft. It relates to the passive voice.

Write with verbs that are active. Especially avoid the verb “to be” in all its forms.

Active verbs paint a picture. They are action words that do more than paint a picture in a readers head. They play movies in a readers mind. They engage.

Why avoid the verb “to be” including all its forms. (is, are, were, am, was, be, been, being, will) To quote Swain, “the verb to be is weak, in all its shapes and forms and sizes. Why? Because it describes existence only – a static state. Your story stands still in any sentence that hangs on such a verb. Nothing happens.”

Can you ever avoid using it? I’m not sure, but if you hunt them down in your own writing, at the very least, you’ll think about the sentence, and maybe a stronger sentence will jump out a chance at a stronger sentence emerges.

You can use Word to find all the forms of the verb “to be” in a section. Use the advanced find feature. Type the word “be” (without quotes) in the search box. Next, select the “Find all word forms” check box under the button labeled More>>>. Depending on your version of Word, you can highlight all the words at once. I’m sure other programs have this feature, but I have Word installed on my computer.

I just did this with one of my first scenes in my current work in progress. Its 2517 words long and I found 53 instances of the verb in my scene. The first 500 words are lit up like the veritable Fourth of July. I’m picking some text at random to chop up. I’m including the preceding sentence or two for context.
Quinn moved away from his door and sprinted toward the back of his room. He opened his closet door and shut it behind him. This was the only way the hidden door worked.

I look at this now and can’t believe I wrote something this weak and wretched. How about we spice it up? It’s describing how a hidden door works. How about I write something better and more engaging. In fact, there is a lot of telling in that whole passage capped off by the highlighted “was”.
He wheeled and sprinted toward the back of his room. He ripped open the closet door, lunged inside, and slammed it shut behind him. 

Beyond his hanging trousers and coats, he heard the spring of the latch pop from the dark confines. A whoosh of air glided over his face greeting him like a friend.

His breath came in short bursts and his mouth went dry. He knew that sound mixed with the musty aroma. It meant the hidden door in the back of his closet stood open. Thank Elan something worked right.

I’m much happier with the re-write and I rid myself of the pesky word “was” and all its passiveness.

An update on my as of yet untitled work in progress:

I’m learning more with every word typed, and I’m thoroughly enjoying the ride. I told my fourteen year old this week. “I get to watch a movie nobody’s seen yet unfold before me every day. I have a front row seat at the premiere. Even I’m not sure what’s going to happen next.” The last part caught her off guard. “What do you mean Dad? Aren’t you writing it?” That made me smile. I love that kid.

My total word count is 27,712. I wrote about 5,700 words this week. My plot line is just about to pass through the first gate, the point of no return for my main character.

I believe my edits are going to take some time as witnessed by the passage above. But, picking apart writing and making it better is infinitely easier, for me, than creating it in the first place. I’ve avoided reading 95% of my work so far. I fear the urge to re-write will be so strong I’ll lose my momentum.

By the way, I know this post has many forms of the verb “to be” peppered about. Go easy on me folks. It’s tough to snuff them out.

Sunday, June 2, 2013

What Makes a Good Fantasy Story?

I've read many fantasy novels over the span of my 44 years. During that time I've developed some filters for what I like and don't like in fantasy novels.

I can tell within a page if the book is one I definitely won't like. Here are some of my personal first page killers.

  • Character or location names that are not easy to pronounce. For example, if I see a character name Zyaloysi on page one I'm gone. I love fantasy stories, but hard to read names kill the immersion.



  • If half the first page contains flowery description for the sun, sky, rain, trees, etc.  I fade fast. I understand the need to anchor a scene but if I wanted to read poetry, I'd pick up a book of poems.



  • Excessive exposition. Please don't info dump me on page one. Mix it into the story. And writing the exposition in italics only makes it worse. The story is not moving and the characters are not changing while the exposition grinds everything to a halt. If you need to give me this information, wait until I can anchor it to the story and its characters. It will mean much more to me then.


If I make it past page one, the author has managed to avoid the items above. I'll stay for the first chapter and see where the story leads me. Some of my favorite fantasy tropes no matter how many times I read them are:

  • The hero's journey. This is why we all love fantasy right? It's the embodiment of the genre.



  • A cool magic system always grabs me.  Mix that in with the hero's journey and its as good as buttered popcorn.



  • The mentor. Obi-Wan Kenobi from Star Wars, Kelsier from Mistborn, or even Moiraine Damodred from Wheel of Time.



  • The "quest". I love a group of characters working together to attain an epic goal of some kind.



  • I like fantasy books where the author forgets he's writing a fantasy story. The way Jim Butcher writes the Harry Dresden books, Patrick Rothfuss,  or pretty much anything from Brandon Sanderson fit this category.


What turns me off in story lines:

  • A passive hero. The world happens to this guy not the other way around. It's okay to start out this way but please don't leave him there the whole book. That's boring.



  • A hero that has little to no change. Stories where the author, for whatever reason, wants to leave the main character in a position of stasis for 400 pages frustrate me. Sometimes it seems the author's intends to write a series of books and wants to drag the characters evolution over 6 books.



  • A hero that becomes powerful only during the very end of the book.  He gets his ass kicked for 90% of the book, gets his power at the end, and defeats the villain in a blaze of glory. We see little to none of his powers in action throughout the story. All the magic flying around from characters other than the hero make for a passive hero. Let the main character get enough power to be active in the plot line early on.


Lots of people don't like elves, dwarves, or dragons and I get that. They are over used tropes loaded with assumptions the reader will make that may be impossible to overcome. I don't have a problem with them if the story and the characters are good. If  we find out 20 pages in that the main character is an elf that's okay if I'm already hooked on a good plot line.

P.S. - I'm 22,000 words into my first draft of my yet to be titled book. I'm hoping to avoid the bad things listed above.

Friday, May 24, 2013

Getting Started with Writing

When I decided to take on this project it was with the realization that I really don't have a damn clue what I'm doing.

Sure, I've read a lot of fantasy over the years, but when I actually sate down to do it, I didn't know where to start.

I started, like thousands before me, with a google search.  I typed "How to write a novel” into the search box and started my quest.

I found out that there is no real cut and dry method. There are as many approaches to writing a novel as there are would-be authors.  Many people just sit down and start writing. I found out this is referred to as “the seat of the pants” style of writing. Others use extensive outlines detailing every twists and turn before they actually write anything. Randy Ingermanson teaches the snowflake method which is a hybrid of the two styles.

I liked Randy’s approach so I’m sort of giving it a try. I went through the first four steps and ended up with a one page outline of my idea that ended up being about 4 pages in reality.

I took a couple of weeks to massage my plot structure.  I went back and forth, adding and removing. One thing I noticed is just how cheesy and clichéd my entire plot structure read. It was like every bad piece of fantasy I've ever read rolled up into one.  I became discouraged at just how overused the structures were in my outline no matter how much I tweaked it.

I then thought about some of the greatest fantasy I've read by George RR Martin, Robert Jordan, and Brandon Sanderson. I broke down some of their plots and found that their plots were just as cheesy and overused as mine.  It wasn't the plot that mattered as much as the story. It’s how they tell the story that makes them great.

Reinvigorated, I decided to cut to the chase and start writing. I was itching to try. I wrote out some general information about the first few scenes I wanted to focus on and decided to give it a try myself.

File > New I clicked. The bright white screen came to life in front of me, cursor blinking, I sat and thought “Ok. Now what.”

Referring to my scene notes, I started to write. I plunged into the scene and made a bee line for the first conflict I devised.

An hour later I reviewed my work. I needed help. This was not what I had in mind. I decided to seek out at least a couple of books on writing. Something to give me a frame of reference.

On Randy Ingermanson’s site he mentioned a book by Dwight Swain called Techniques of the Selling Writer . This book has really helped me get started. I learned about showing vs. telling and the motivation-reaction unit.

Another book that’s really helped me get under way is Stephen King’s On Writing. His book was as entertaining as it was informative.

So I've taken some of these lessons to heart and I’m stumbling like a newborn through the world of writing. But, I’m trying, I’m writing, and I’m getting a little better every day.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Something about me...

This is my story. On the surface it's intended to be a chronicle of my journey toward becoming a self-published writer. Underneath its intention is to grow as a person. I want to face my fear, stare it down, and overcome. My fear is of public scorn and humiliation. I suppose everyone feels that way really.

I'm an introvert so this is hard for me. The Myers-Briggs personality assessment classifies me as an INFP (introversion, intuition, feeling, perception). In short I'm a dreamer.

On the surface I'm a successful application development manager. I've worked in IT for 17 years and have done well for myself.

I've been married to the same wonderful woman for 16 years and we've produced 4 great kids. We've even got a set of twins out of the deal!

I've been an avid reader my entire life. I've read hundreds of novels and quite a bit of non-fiction as well, but I've never written. Above all I enjoy a good book, but I particularly like a good fantasy book.

The fantasy genre seems to move me more than the others. Battles of good versus evil are more defined and I'm a sucker for a good quest.

So here I am. I've crossed or am near life's ultimate halfway point and I want something more. I'm a dreamer and a goal setter. I want to stretch myself and grow. I want to write a novel and more than likely many novels. Maybe its a second phase of my life, but I feel called to action.

I'm no stranger to goal setting and dreaming.

In 2009 I clocked in at about 270 on the scale and was heading even further north. My wife 'got real' with me and I decided that being overweight was causing me a lot of pain and unhappiness, so I did something about it. I lost 70 pounds by the end of 2010 and I've kept it off ever since.

Part of reaching that goal involved a lot of exercise. I'll admit this was very hard initially, but I ended up getting hooked. Running was (and still is) like crack for me. I ran my first half-marathon in 2010, my second in 2011 and figured, what the hell, I can run a whole marathon.

I went from a man that literally couldn't run for 20 seconds halfway down the block without wheezing and coughing to a marathon finisher in April of 2012. I finished that marathon in 3:57. The feeling of exhilaration when I crossed that line is part of the reason I'm here. I loved finishing that marathon so much that I ran another one this year. I just finished my 2nd marathon in April a whopping 3 seconds faster than 2012.

When I run I figure out a lot of stuff. Sometimes I figure out something big and it triggers the light-bulb over the head moment. I figured out I wanted to write while listening to an audio-book during a run. When I get my mind set on something, I have a tendency to not let it go .

That brings me to today, or the last two months really. I've decided to write a novel for many reasons. I'll list them in order of importance.

1) I want to find out more about what makes me tick. So far I've found that writing does just that.

2) I want to exert my creative side. I spent the first half of my life working with computers and application development. There is a certain creativity with that profession, but not quite the level of emotional creativity I'm looking for.

3) I want to write a great book because I like to read great books. I know what I like in a fantasy novel and I want to try if for myself.

4) I'd like to self-publish because it looks like its a lot of fun. The product you are selling is created by you. If you can't believe in something you've built with your own mind, what can you believe in? If I find success, that would be great. If not, then that's okay too.

I'll try to stay active here and write about the experience I'm having.

As it stands, I'm 12,000 words into my first draft. Its been hard to say the least. I read what I write and I think it reads like crap. As a newbie to all this, I'm struggling to convey what I'm seeing in my head with words on the page. I'm fighting the urge to go back and edit. I've succumbed only once, briefly. I will plow forward and come back later.

I'm writing daily and have no plans to stop. I get up at 5:00 AM, put on the coffee and work until 7:00 Am. That's when the house starts buzzing.

Every day I battle a voice inside my head that says I can't do this and what I'm writing is awful. My inner voice says people will mock what I'm doing and laugh at my thoughts when I open them to the world.

That's fear talking. That's my conscience mind trying to pull me back into the herd. Protecting me from pain. And, really, so what if they do. We all get one shot at life so why not lay all your cards on the table.

I'm hoping that writing is like training for the marathon, you get better the longer you keep at it.